It’s Hard Waiting

So, I know you guys come here for DIY tutorials and home decor ideas, but it’s Veteran’s Day and I have to celebrate it. One thing about being a mil spouse is you know a lot of veterans. A lot. Trust me when I say, they are amazing people who sacrifice so much.

Today I thought I would do something a little different. I thought I might share a small glimpse into our military life. Not too long from now I’ll be sharing another homecoming story. But today, I thought I would share what deployment day is like. I love going back and reading and reflecting on all of our military experiences on Veteran’s Day.

By the way, I know Veteran’s Day isn’t about me or military spouses, it’s about our awesome service members past and present, for whom I have immeasurable gratitude.

During Matt’s first deployment I kept a journal. On this Veteran’s Day I thought it would be fitting to share one entry from back then, before blogging. 

Deployment Day.

it's hard to be the one waiting

The days leading up to that Friday I remember thinking how crazy it was that the next time I saw him/held his hand/ kissed him/ hugged him/ just spent time with him would be in 7 months. I remember noticing the cooler weather and thinking how seasons would go by before I saw him again. I remember being scared for me that I would have a difficult time living without him by my side for the next few months and I remember being scared for him, for what he might see. Would it change him? But on that evening – I was numb. I just embraced it all and I really tried to be in the moment.

Matt had been packed for days. He is always prepared when it comes to military stuff, he has never been one to leave it to the last minute. I watched him put his cammies on and I helped him carry his bags to the car. I could not believe that his life for the next 7 months could fit in 3 bags. On the way, we stopped at the convenient store on base and Matt got a bottle of water and cash to take with him.

We arrived at 10:45 pm and were there early so we just spent time together in the car, talked for a while and then once others started to show up we got out of the car. This was it. I was dropping him off, sending him to war. I started to get choked up a little bit as I saw him put his seabag on – it was really happening. They lined up there seabags and went and got their weapons.

Four hours felt like forty minutes. Now at some awful time of the morning, goodbye was upon us.

Before I knew it the buses had arrived. I think a lot of military spouses would say that they don’t say goodbye just see ya soon or see ya later. Well Matt always says, “we’ll see ya” so to stay true to who we are that’s what we said. We held each other for a moment I remember holding his face and looking into his eyes and just telling him I love you, I’ll miss you, I already miss you, promise me you’ll be safe. I didn’t cry. I knew that I couldn’t do that to him. He felt bad enough. It’s not easy leaving your wife behind. I watched him get on that awful bus and I turned around and walked away. I couldn’t wait for the buses to leave. I was already holding back tears, I just sent my husband off. I kept thinking over and over, he’s gone. So started day one of deployment one.

5 years later I’m so grateful for this life!! I feel so incredible blessed to be a part of this amazing military community. I hope you all enjoy your Veteran’s Day holiday. Be sure to thank a vet!

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  1. What a beautiful post, Chelsea. I love the quotes that you included, so fitting. You are certainly a very brave and amazing person.

  2. Such a beautiful deployment post; I love reading everyone’s deployment story, whenever they share it. It really helps … we’ve already had one deployment and I was nowhere near ready for it. We arrived to our duty station, a few months went by and then they left. Now we’re gearing up for our second one and it’ll just seems bittersweet. Thank you for sharing this!

    1. I love reading them too. I really struggle with sharing too much personal stuff on this blog because at the end of the day people come for decorating ideas but on Veteran’s Day I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put my heart out there. Matt’s last deployment was like that. We moved here, he went underway about a week later for several weeks and then deployed for 8 months. It was sad! Anyway – hang in there dear friend!

  3. I’ve been thinking of you lately friend! You must be counting down the days, so happy he will be home soon and so thankful for the sacrifices you all make!! I could never do what you do, you are so strong and amazing! AND a great momma to your gorgeous little sweetie 🙂

  4. Thanks for sharing your story. We have our longest deployment yet coming up by I feel like all those work ups helped prepare us.

  5. I love this glimpse into your life Chelsea. I think of you often and how hard it must be to be trucking along all by yourself day in and day out. You pretty much rock in my book and I thank you for your sacrifice. It takes a special person for sure.

  6. Wow, that brought tears to my eyes. How crazy difficult…my husband is a police officer so if I let myself I can start worrying about his safety…but it is nothing compared to the sacrifice that military families make with the distance and risk. Thanks for sharing such an honest little glimpse of your life and yourself, Chelsea:)

  7. Stumbled upon your blog and after reading this post I’m staying!
    My son is United States Marine the waiting is the worst.
    Stay strong

  8. Hello you and your family are the sole, strength, heart and the glory why I have served this country for 30 years 9 months and 2 deployments and I know what you are and have seen going threw. I thank you and am glorified to hear your story because it reminded me so much of my wife and two kids waiting for my retur and people forget that it is so hard on the family that holds down the home front that you do not get the gratitude you really deserve so I want to say Thank you and God bless you and your family, believe me it is oh so worth it in the sort or the long of it, again thank you and “Cav Out”